A collection of locks that's so greasy it looks like
it was dunked in Crisco is a good sign your man hasn't washed his hair in
weeks. Such hair is valuable currency in certain social circles (90s-indebted
grunge, goth, and what have you), but unless you feel like the spending
occasional date night checking for lice, you probably should seek out someone
else.
The list of oral hygiene fails range from refusing
to brush teeth to not knowing what floss is to having plain old stank breath.
More often than not, the bad habits all lead to bad breath. Sure, there are
plenty of people with chronic bad breath, and it's a source of embarrassment
and frustration for them. People with good hygiene who actively try to combat
such a problem can be forgiven. However, if you're with somebody who wields his
nasty oral hygiene and abominable breath like a badge of honor, go ahead and
dump him right now.
This hygiene issue goes hand in hand with the body
odor problem mentioned earlier. Nobody wants to endure dates, let alone a
lifetime, surrounded by the toxic fumes and disgusting noises of gas routinely
escaping another's body. A fart or a belch here or there is completely natural
and to be expected. As long as he is apologetic and tries to exercise good
manners, there's really little harm done other than a half-minute or so of
nausea. However, if your man takes delight in squeezing out farts and burps like
he gets paid per emission, now's the time to say goodbye.
There's a whole ecosystem of hot temperatures,
sweat, and soiled hair down in every person's nether regions. It's the section
of each person's body that needs more careful cleaning that anywhere else. What
some guys fail to realize though is that putting dirty undies back on after
cleaning their man parts in the shower annuls any of the crotch cleaning they
performed. Don't waste your time with a man who has no problem slipping back
into his nasty boxers for three- and four-day stretches.
Nobody wants to be with a person who has claws and
talons instead of fingernails and toenails. Forgetting to trim them now and
again is a nuisance that can be forgiven. However, if your significant other
seems dead set on never trimming those bad boys another day in the rest of his
life, you can safely guarantee he is ridiculously lazy and not about to change
anytime soon. Such laziness is not an attractive quality to say the least, and
it's likely representative of his work ethic in most aspects of his life.
Serious body odor is without a doubt one of the most
heinous things to plague mankind. If your significant other wields a stench
horrific enough to buckle your knees (not in a good way) and suffocate small
animals, you should consider finding someone else. In fairness though, he may
not have the slightest clue how badly he reeks. If necessary, bring the b.o. to
his attention and recommend soap, deodorant, and cologne with scents you find
pleasing. Should he fail to take advantage of your recommendation or rectify
the godawful stink, you should head for the hills before the odor overtakes you
for good.
Are there really people who don't wash their faces?
You betcha, and you can double-down on that bet that they are most likely
dudes. Something tells us you have zero intention of closing in for a kiss with
a man who hasn't scrubbed away a week's allotment of dead skin cells from his
mug. If this is the case, exert your energy more wisely by finding somebody with
more self-respect and better hygiene.
We're all told from toddlerhood that sticking a
finger up our noses to snatch boogies is gross and embarrassing. If your date
(who we hope has surpassed the age of six) is mining for gold, you are hereby
allowed to not return any calls guilt-free.
Should you discover your boyfriend or new crush
doesn't wash his hands after doing his business in the bathroom, the rest of
the world gives you full permission to kick him to the curb. A guy who doesn't
care about the rest of humanity enough to simply put his hands under soap and
running water after using the facilities deserves to be alone.
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